selmabouvier:

i haven’t been to subway in 2 years cos the woman went “what bread do you want” and i went “yeah”

(via jeremysstripedboxers)


Nicki claps with her ass

Nicki claps with her ass

(via jeremysstripedboxers)

mitchahoy:

I like the idea of two people spending forever together.

(via itwasamistymorning)

shiksa-feminista:

riningear:

Pompeii 
(pitched to different “gender”)

Sorry for low-tier quality, I just really wanted to hear what this would sound like. 

HOLY FUCK

(via hatsandholmes)

239,256 plays

tramampoline:

Favourite jokes

  • Referring to any four-legged animal as a weird dog
  • Massively underestimating the number of nearly uncountable objects
  • Massively overestimating the number of clearly countable objects
  • Bad puns in TV episode titles

(via snitches-bludgers-andquaffles)

jaaaaaaawn:

methdragon:

be there or 

image

That square is 5 bees by 6 bees I’ll have you know that is a bee rectangle you have failed

(via officialwhitegirls)

kylehilde:

when your teacher talks for an extra 30 seconds after class is supposed to end

kylehilde:

when your teacher talks for an extra 30 seconds after class is supposed to end

(via shinyhappypeopleholdinghands)

beldaran:

j-to-rule-the-world:

shell-tear-your-world-apart:

endsofadream:

SOMEONE DO A DATE LIKE THIS WITH ME. I’LL EVEN LET YOU TOUCH THE BOOTY.

Now that’s how you get laid boys.

thats how you get laid ANYBODY

Under the stars? You’d be hard pressed to make me ever take something like that down. I want one in my living room to watch movies and snuggle people. Just invite all my friends over to cuddle and watch Wreck-It Ralph or something, hell yes.

beldaran:

j-to-rule-the-world:

shell-tear-your-world-apart:

endsofadream:

SOMEONE DO A DATE LIKE THIS WITH ME. I’LL EVEN LET YOU TOUCH THE BOOTY.

Now that’s how you get laid boys.

thats how you get laid ANYBODY

Under the stars? You’d be hard pressed to make me ever take something like that down. I want one in my living room to watch movies and snuggle people. Just invite all my friends over to cuddle and watch Wreck-It Ralph or something, hell yes.

(via laughbitches)

ugh

I’ve just had a shit day and I got a shit mark for my monologue and then couldn’t act the once a catholic scene and now my teacher thinks I’m a fool and I’ve felt so ill all day and didn’t eat very well at all and since I got home my anxiety has just been through the roof and it’s shit and even though I did an hour of maths revision my head is still like ‘ugh you’re shit you didn’t work enough tonight’ when I did as much as I could without freaking out and now I’m certain I’m dying and it sounds ridiculous but I hate it even though I logically know I’m fine ugh I’m so messed up what even is today I;m going to sleep rant over

zftw:

genderthief:

i gave my dog a tortilla chip ten minutes ago and she won’t fucking eat it she’s just staring at me with it in her mouth 

she’s waiting for the salsa

zftw:

genderthief:

i gave my dog a tortilla chip ten minutes ago and she won’t fucking eat it she’s just staring at me with it in her mouth 

she’s waiting for the salsa

(via ameliacakee)

cravings:

when someone makes jokes out of your insecurities 

image

(via instagrarn)

egberts:

where can i buy that for free

(via tywinlnnister)